Big Tech intentionally manipulates our neurochemistry every time we interact with one our digital devices, triggering the chemicals that create dopamine-fueled habit loops and even addiction. In the age of virtual and hybrid church, we are competing even more directly in the attention economy, the business of capturing people’s time and focus. But we can't compete in terms of technical competence or immediate gratification with Facebook, YouTube, or Instagram. In 1450 or 1850, a sermon or organ music or a stained-glass window was a huge dopamine hit, compared to following your plow or churning butter. But they’re not anymore. So what do we do? The assumed ecclesiological question in this environment has been "how do we do church effectively in the attention economy?" But there is an ethical question beneath that one: should we, as the church, increase our reliance on Big Tech at all? Western Christianity is not big, powerful, or wealthy enough anymore to be called Empire. Why are we rushing to ally ourselves with the New Roman Empire, Big Tech? What might happen if we embraced a return to the catacombs and joined the fight for human autonomy and dignity that Jesus modelled and inspired? How we do church in a time where what happens in digital space is starting to outweigh face-to-face reality has implications far beyond Sunday morning practices. Church could be the last resistance to Big Tech narrowing our choices as individuals and societies so far that imaginative analog collaboration is lost forever to entrenched tribal culture-war prison cells that fuel infinite pursuit of wealth in a techno-dystopia. Perhaps resistance to the control and dominance of Big Tech is a naive and foolish lost cause. But then, for the first few hundred years, that's how people thought of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.